A Bushel And A Half Of Roma Tomatoes !

My son came to see me from Ottawa this weekend and brought me a bushel and a half of roma tomatoes, they were beautiful, its the last thing he bought for me from a farmers market near my daughters house.
They were gorgeous heavy things , smelling of sunshine and earth
I decided to can them for use over the winter .
This is how I did it.

First I got a huge pot of boiling water going and I dropped some tomatoes in until the skin blisters a bit, I score the blossom end first as well.
You do this in batches.
Then I put on latex gloves for the next part.
You peel the skin off the tomato then squish them one by one between my fingers until they are mushed up well.I don't leave any large bits.
You could use your processor but that makes it too mushy for my taste.
I didn't add anything not even pepper because I don't know what I will use those tomatoes for , could be in any number of things from soup to chili to pasta sauce or what ever....
*You will notice my use of proper culinary words !

Then in the oven it goes for hours on end until your happy with it ,I waited until it was reduced to half in consistency.
When your sauce is nearly ready prepare your jars by washing them in the hottest water you have and I pour in each jar boiling water to sterilize them , also do the lids the same way.
Then in each jar I added a few tablespoons of real lemon juice and half a teaspoon of salt.


Then the jars go into a hot water bath for 15 minutes.Dont forget to put a towel on the bottom so the jars dont bump into each other and shatter.


This is the result of half the tomatoes I had , today I will do a repeat performance with the other half.
The house smelled wonderful when I was done.
Felt like a real accomplishment.
I think its tomato soup for supper with a slice of toasted crusty bread.

Picking Up The Pieces

Where do you start ?
Where do you go ?
What do you do ?
How do you even begin living again and take that first step into the land of the living.

It seems so strange to me to be alone

When I was young I had my mother and father and my 3 brothers with me just about 24 hours a day.Plus my father's huge family always around the corner .

Then later in my life I got married left my parents home to enter my own home with my brand spanking new husband which I just adored, he lived for me and I for him.
Our favorite song was by the Turtles called So Happy Together and it was so appropriate

Forward now 39 years later here I am alone, its not fair to say that in a way, some of you know that my mother in law lives with me but she has alzheimers,and in a matter of speaking I am alone I am in the process of trying to place her in a nursing home.

John and I did the caregiving together and it worked she has lived with us 10 years,but now I am alone for her care........... its just too much for me.
Guilt trip ........ oh yes very much so. But it is still just too much for me alone.
Its eating away at me bit by bit.

What I want to do is take a few classes in the art of painting, water color, oil and acrylic that would be my heaven right now.My soul needs soothing and throwing myself into something creative would be bliss .
Can I take those classes right now ? No........ I can't leave her that long.........
But I can dabble on my own and I will at least I can do that for myself

IS life fair ...........NO its not fair but I must go on and pick up the pieces and keep on living.

One Month Today

How can I ever forget that day........... I never will
It is the most tragic and saddest day of my life.
I can't even put how I feel into words ,are none to describe how I feel
My John is gone for ever, eternity is a very long time ,its past forever by a long long time
I am too young to be a widow...........what an awful word
I always thought it was for old women but here I am a widow of one month
My life as I knew it will never be the same again
I know my children love me beyond words and I feel firm in their love for me
I also know they are there for me, for anything at anytime
But I feel so alone, like a little leaf........ shivering in the wind
My rock, my protector is gone, torn from ,he was too young to die
Never again I will see the look in his eyes of soft tender love
No more sweet kisses no more long hugs, no more I love you
Just tender memories of our love together
Can that sustain me forever into eternity
Yes
I have known him 45 years and married for 39 of them

How much do I Love Him and how much do I Miss Him
No words needed to describe how I feel